18/06/09


The Seeing I


A new venture:

A record of my latest attempt to advance my spiritual and psychological development. What that actually means will I hope become clear as I go on.


A last ditch attempt to make some sense of my life, on my own terms, for myself, off my own bat, before it's too late.


The sun shines through the storm clouds, and suddenly there's a burst of hope where there was none.



What it's all about:

For as long as I can remember, things, beyond a certain daily humdrum level, don't add up.


OK, I had a job I more or less enjoyed, I was somewhere between not bad and quite good at most of the things I took on, I've always been able to manage and enjoyed practical things like working with my hands and small building projects.


So what is there to complain about?


I've always had the feeling that there was more to life, or there should be, and I've been exposed to certain influences (which I'll talk more about later on) which let me know quite certainly that there was much more happening than I was attempting to deal with. You could call it the spiritual level, a certain psychological level, the level of a vision of life that is the result of one's own insights, not someone else's.


This need has motivated a general search that has seen me plough into language studies, psychotherapy, linguistics, the personal development model called Neuro-Linguistic Programming, not to mention other extra-curricular activities such as playing jazz, practising qi-gong, and other minor engagements, and then too a whole range of reading covering certain 'relevant' literary authors, and other writers offering their particular map of human existence. I should also mention discussions over some thirty years with Edgar Assoun, whom I will simply describe here as a realised human being, and last but far from least daily or weekly discussions with my wife Gigi, who has managed all along to insist on a level of down-to-earth realism (as opposed to intellectualism), which has helped me get a focus where what I read about is actually geared to how I live in practice. Or at least she has challenged me to try. And lastly there were times when chemical support helped i.e. grass.